A story about a Naughty girl named Rosie

After attending the Guards Chapel on Sunday, I was invited to tenor-son's home for lunch with his family. We had a lovely time, eating soup and buns, playing with the babies and challenging each other to name the most cheese we could think of. I was able to name 23.

This whole afternoon, The Smeed was there, climbing all over the grownups, forcing us to play dolls with her and having just a fantastic time. Out of the blue, she takes my hand and whispers, "I have to go to the loo, come with me", To which I replied "Why should I come with you, do you need my help?" (Remember please, she is 4 and I know nothing about the appropriate potty training expectations of a four year old girl, its been a few years since I went through it myself)

She insistently tugged on my arm and led me through the kitchen, past her mommy, and up to the bathroom. I gave her mom a desperate look, mouthed "POTTY" at her, to show her what was happening, and she replied with a sigh and a thank you and sent me on my way.



So there I was, standing in the loo, with The Smeed, who plopped herself on the toilet and said:



"Tell me a story about a naughty girl named Rosie"



I was taken aback. "A story about a naughty girl named Rosie?"



"Yes!" more insistent this time, "A story about a Naughty girl named Rosie!"



Well alright, I guess I can improvise a story... if it will make this experience go by faster, here goes...



"Rosie was a naughty little girl who never did anything her mother asked her. When Mommy wanted her to come into the house, Rosie would run to the garden and hide under a bush..."



"What was scary in the bush?" Pipped The Smeed from her toilet throne



"ummmm, a fox, there was a mean fox who liked to eat little girls! The fox saw Rosie and decided it was almost his dinner time, so he lured her to his lair"



"The fox is going to eat Rosie and feed her to his family!"



"No, you'll see" You see, my plan was to tell a cautionary tale about why little girls should listen to their mothers... but The Smeed would have none of it.



As the story carried on, I noticed that the little girl was taking a poo. (I swear, that information is important) I continued with my story, stopping once halfway through hoping that we were finished and was promptly told that it takes a long time and that I had to continue. The naughty girl named Rosie had more adventures escaping the fox until she was baked into a pie. Now, in my version of the story, she jumped out of the pie still alive, but not The Smeed's, no in hers Rosie was eaten by the fox-hunter who I had sent to rescue her.



When we were finally finished, the little girl looked up at me and said:



"Now you can wipe my bum please"



Ok, so I'm a good sport, and have fun with kids, but this was definitely a new situation for me to be in. I paused, thought about the idea... considered all the possible outcomes and decided to go for it. It wasn't that bad, but again I'm not a mom, so it just doesn't come naturally to me.

Everything said and done, I headed back downstairs and told her mother what had happened. She looked at me, apologetically and said; "so she had to take a poo... sorry about that, but thanks for taking care of it."

Apparently, the story about a Naughty Girl named Rosie is what The Smeed needs to help her get through doing number two. All the grownups know about it and each has taken a turn telling the story. SO now I feel like I've really been initiated into this family.
And I have to say, I've been thinking up new stories every time I go to the loo... for the next time!